Inner Strength

Where do you find encouragement? Do you give it as well? Do you have the inner strength to reach your goal, but also the strength to share your horror stories of the journey? I tend to read biographies and other types of non-fiction to hear from real people that have maybe been through a perilous journey and lived to tell the tale. It is easy to think that famous people or people who have done amazing things just got there somehow, but its the back story that is the most fascinating. What did it take for them to reach their dreams? What things did they have to overcome? Also my fears and obstacles can seem small compared to what they endured, and if they can overcome something that most people might quit on, then I sure as heck can overcome the obstacles in front my goals.

It is easy to have our fear of the unknown limit us from reaching success. This morning, I found a paper calendar book from 26 years ago, and I found a date and it said, "Did you reach your goal?" I hadn't back then, and it was a goal I had when I was 13 years old! That was 7 years before writing in that calendar. At first, I was sad seeing that down on paper a goal. My first thoughts were, "I wasted so many years. I was so stupid for taking so long. Why didn't I make better choices to reach that goal sooner?" Then I stepped back a moment, and realized, "I did make the goal, and kept at it even if it took me a few decades!" Some people want to change, but never do. I am proud to say, "I did it!" 

After I reached my goal, it was extremely hard to deal with the new me, especially others for whatever reason, couldn't deal with it. I have to say, most were not kind and criticized me more for my looks and strength than when I was obese. A lot of my tattoos were dealing with the pain of the criticism, and my thought was, turn pain into art, and others would have something to look at when they judge me. Turns out, I grew up a bit and realized that the only person who should judge you is you, no one else. 

There will always be critics that will judge you, berate you or discourage you. In the long run, you may hear their comments, but you don't allow their negativity to enter your heart. I am a confident, vibrant, energetic, weird, single woman, with over 20 tattoos! I have my flaws, physical, mental, and otherwise. You may like me, you may not, but I don't care. The important thing is I like me, I still want to improve me, but it is on my terms. 

I'm not saying life has to be some free for all, and I still conform to rules and so on, but my mind is free and open to world and although I might not be for everybody, that is okay, and I do my best to make a difference in the world.

I tend not to fit in to any category and I love it that way! Fitting in is boring in my book. I have the freedom to my life the way I want to live it. Often, we believe fitting in will make us comfortable and happy, when in reality we are miserable because we are too afraid to be ourselves, because we don't want to lose that social group, or have people look at us differently.

Even though I'm all about growth, I accept who I am, flaws and all. Great friends will accept all of your flaws, and if you can find a significant other that accepts all of the good, bad, and ugly that you are, there is the gem in a good relationship. Being something you're not might feel good for a bit, since you think you're popular, or you got the good looking guy next to you, but in the long run, it falls apart. Those so called friends stab you in the back because you like classical music and they don't or that so called good looking guy, has nothing good about him and ruins your life. In the end, you are miserable, and might feel pressured to do things you don't want to do, so be happy with you and what you like, and you will eventually find people that accept you the way you are, flaws and all.

I get people that are shocked that I'm not married, but since I am a unique person, I want to be with the right person that accepts me for all the craziness that I am! I am confident in who I am, still have tons of fun in my life, so I don't need to rush into anything! Yes, do I get gasps from women when I say I'm unmarried, no kids, and single and do things alone. Oh yes! And guess what? I usually just ignore their comment, but sometimes I say, I work with kids, so I have kids, or am I supposed to put my life in a holding pattern, waiting for a guy? I'm going to live and have adventure no matter what! You shouldn't have to defend reasons why you do things in your life. Now, sometimes your choices aren't the best, and believe me there are things I could have done better, but people criticizing you for being single, alone, and without kids isn't really their business.

Again, the only person that defines you is you. If you are feeling pressured, or miserable to be with a crowd or with a certain guy, and you are losing who you truly are, it probably isn't right for you. In fact, there have been a couple times I have been on dates, and realized I was more lonely with the guy than without. It made it simple for me to decide to not go out again with that guy, but sometimes, people feel obligated for whatever reason to keep dating or keep with the crowd of people, because of pressure.

Having the inner strength to recognize, "This isn't working, I feel worse than before, I feel pressure", and move on is empowering. Now it might not feel freeing at the moment, but once you move on from a person or situation it isn't so hard the next time, and you recover. I have had to drop friends, end relationships, and it was the right decision, even if I was crying about it at the time. I have had friends drop me and been dumped, and you move forward. You can reflect on the situation, learn from it, and get stronger.

Developing that inner strength isn't easy, but reflect on your choices and move forward!

In Happy Health

Fit Tomboy

Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

We all like to live within our comfort zone, it's human nature. However, we let our fears of the unknown hold us back. Fear of failure comes to mind as a huge reason to stay in our comfort zone. I have seen some people whom have never failed, go ballistic and lose it the first time they failed. Imagine an A student who always got straight A's and never experienced any type of failure. They get to high school and WHAM! They get their first failing test! They hide the grade from their parents in fear that they won't understand, and continue to struggle since they never experienced this before. They don't seek help as everyone expects them to always get straight A's. Soon more failing test grades happen, and their overall grade falls. Desperate, they might do something unthinkable like cheat, but hopefully they realize that failure is not a permanent place. It is their choice to decide to stay in the perils of their situation, or move forward and work out of their comfort zone and move towards success.
I made mistakes when I was a teen, as I was a perfectionist, and it took til' high school for me to be pushed out of my comfort zone. I was taking honors classes, and extra class one hour before school, had a job at McDonald's and was sports, jazz band, symphonic, and marching band that traveled every weekend. I started to struggle and I kept doing what I always did, instead of making adjustments to succeed. I didn't fail a class, but my grades did slip way below my potential, because I refused to adjust. If you keep doing the same thing, expecting different results, you are fooling yourself. I sure did!
We all think we can do it all, and things will happen when we work hard, but sometimes you need to work smarter, not harder! So many teachers just say, "Work hard." I believe its more like, work on something, evaluate if it's working, then adjust to keep focused on your goal.
It's easy to make a goal and think if you stay on the right track, success will be waiting, but again, it's a series of adjustments. See the figure below.

You will stray away from your goal, then have to pull back and make adjustments. You might be pulled in the other direction, but again, you pull yourself back toward the goal. Success may take a series of minor failures, but you can do it! It takes grit, gumption, persistence, to tell yourself don't give up, it's okay to fail, and move forward.
Often with my former 6th graders, I would start of the school year, saying YOU WILL FAIL! The sheer horror on the faces of the honor students was by far bigger than the kids that slipped up on occasion. Some kids that had experienced it before, and had moved on, had a new confidence on their face as they realized, "Yeah, it happens, but it's not permanent." It took awhile to get the class to understand that it isn't a life sentence, but failure is another opportunity to learn more intelligently.
If you like science, any experiment usually has some type of failure the first time, or at least a series of tests happen to avoid the overall experiment failing.
Now back to the comfort zone. It may take baby steps to push yourself, but even with 2 steps forward, and one step back, you are still making progress. If you fall five times and get up six, you are still up!
Is it so bad to take a risk? Most students fail to ask questions because they are too embarrassed to say a wrong answer. But if you don't take the risk, you never know! Yes, it can be embarrassing to ask a question, but it's all in perspective. Sometimes I will be in a meeting and I'm not listening or I get sidetracked for some reason. I miss something and I'm lost. It takes a lot of courage, in front of the entire staff and your boss to say, "I'm sorry, but can you repeat, because I got distracted." Now that is better than assuming I know what is going on, and attempt to do it on my own without knowing, and hope I get it right. But to know I get it right, sometimes you have to just take a risk and put yourself out there. No one enjoys putting yourself in a situation that can result in embarrassment but in the long run it is worth it.
I have learned that sometimes asking questions or investigating can lead to great things! So many times I have asked complete strangers a question, and it lead to a friendship or more! My first job outside of high school, was me asking the owner, "I wonder what it is like to work here?" I ended up getting to know dozens of friends in college, but asking a girl to help me out and play on my softball team because I was short a player! We started a conversation after, and I met tons of new people that I still hang out with today! Now I'm not saying just hang out and talk to strangers of course, but sometimes putting yourself out there can benefit you. Even with guys! For some reason shy guys are attracted to me, but they are just too shy to speak up. I ask them out! The fear of rejection, can make it challenging, but you just let it roll like water off a duck's back.
Once while living in Los Angeles, I noticed a TV actor working out at my gym. I decided, "Hey, why not ask him out? What is the worst that could happen? He could be rude, mean, or it might be fun to see how he reacts." So I play it off like I don't know who he is, I smile, say hi. He smiles back and I ask him if he would like to go out for coffee after the gym. He holds up his left hand and shows me his wedding ring! Yikes!! I laugh embarrassingly but he smiles and says, "No big deal, you didn't know." Instead of walking off in horror, I was like, "Cool. I always have that story and know he's a nice person even if he's taken!"
The more you take risks, and pull away from your comfort zone, your confidence increases and you don't take failure so seriously! Again, I'm not saying take a risk and jump out of an airplane without a parachute, but sane risks can benefit in the long run!
Happy Health!

Don't Let Others Judge You

 Hi All! I was looking through some old pics and came upon my old seventh grade school basketball team photos. I think I'm rocking the pink converse don't you? (This was back when girls really didn't wear Chuck Taylors!) My nickname Pinky was a result of this fashion choice! However, I had other names in school that I never appreciated. You're fat, go play with the girls, you aren't as good as the boys...etc. etc. I was teased for my looks, and teased because I was a tomboy.
I definitely wasn't a skinny girl, and had a chubby face, but I really wasn't that huge. Of course I felt 500 lbs. when people were teasing me, and unfortunately, I didn't have siblings to help stick up for me, nor was I really the person to stick up for myself back then. My point to this blog, is don't worry about what people say or think, do what you want to do. I wore pink converse, not because I was trying to fit in, but I wore them because I liked them and wanted to rock 'em! When the boys & some girls gave me crap for being the athletic, rough and tumble kid, I tended to have a better way to handle it. I'd challenge the boys on the court with a "Watch Me & I'll Beat Ya", and when the girly girls were having that caddy, shallow, attitude, I frankly didn't want to be friends with them as they weren't people of good character. Fortunately, I found girls on the team that also dealt with the same sexism, so when practicing or playing the game, there wasn't discrimination.
Surround yourself with people that accept you, and don't even waste your time with the others. The others are usually just too shallow and don't have their priorities straight anyway!
I do wish I would've had more strength and confidence to tell the haters to take a flying leap back then, as I would have saved myself a lot of wasted agony and pain. I've never been average, normal or beautiful in societies eyes, and today I don't care. I'm not going to change for anyone but myself. If guys don't appreciate my athleticism, then I don't want to be around them. If the girly girls are going to be caddy, I will walk elsewhere. I'm unique and embrace my weirdness. Yes, I might miss out on dates because I don't act all helpless and stupid, but I don't want a guy in my life that doesn't appreciate my take charge attitude. Life is an adventure and I'm going to enjoy it regardless!!
Enjoy your life, and you will find people that accept you. If people are going to judge you, they have no time to love you, so take time to surround yourself with the right kind of people. Even with my weirdness I have close friends that embrace my unique personality. Unfortunately, most of them live in another state, but I still put myself  out there to meet new people and let them see what a wonderful person I am, even with tattoos, boxing gloves, sweaty gym clothes and all!
Happy Health!
Fit Tomboy

Advice For Young Ladies

I'm probably twice or three times your age, but just wanted to give you a little advice. It's taken me decades to figure a lot out about myself, but I think if I had some advice, I might have saved a lot of pain and time.
So here it goes:
1) Don't talk negativity about your body. It's one of the best things you've got. Yes, it's okay to want to improve some things, but treat it with the respect it deserves. Health and fitness are more important than your looks. When you get my age, you live with your jiggly wigglys. Gravity catches up to you, even if you are in decent shape, so enjoy your body!

2) Don't compare yourself to others. If you walk to a car dealership, you see a lot of attractive makes and models, and if many different people are attracted by the different makes! No one drive the same type of car, so don't think that you have to be the same as your friends.
3) Don't think the people on magazines are real! Can we say AIRBRUSHED? The magazine companies spend tons of money to make something look nice to sell magazines, not to make you feel good about yourself. So don't bother buying them!

4) Don't be afraid to be yourself. I don't give much thought to what others think and basically you won't please everyone anyway, so what is the point of worrying what they think. I am happy being me, and the rest of the world can take a flying leap. Love me or don't. It's up to them to decide. I'm not going to change for anyone but myself.

5) Don't believe what people say. If someone makes a critical compliment, it's your choice to believe them or not. Now they might have some constructive advice, but if they are being critical and rude, don't give them fuel by believing them.

6) Don't wrap up people's compliments into your self esteem or if you don't receive compliments, don't think you aren't good at something. You need to be your own cheerleader. I think I've heard someone call me beautiful 5 or 6 times my entire life. Does that me I'm a beauty or ugly? No. If I have confidence in myself, I don't need to hear compliments. They are flattering, but I don't need to hear them to feel good. I had a boss that never told me I was doing a good job. Now, does that mean I'm a bad worker? No. She believed that she didn't need to tell me, and I got good marks when it came to evaluations. Yes, it would have been nice, but it doesn't mean I need to hear it to be doing a good job.

7) You don't need a man or a kid to have a good life. If you wrap your entire happiness into having a boyfriend, husband, or having children then what's going to happen to you if you don't have those, or your boyfriend leaves or your spouse dies? What will you do when your kids grow up anyway? Enjoy life with or without a significant other. Life is fun and adventure regardless!! I'm 42, not married, and I'm not moping around waiting. I'm just living every day and seeing what to do next and what other adventures I can experience.

8) Last, define yourself. Yes DEFINE YOURSELF. Let no one define you but you. I am a certain type of woman. You might be a different type. I define my life based on how I want to live. I box, love sports, am comfortable in a tank and shorts, blast my stereo and sing in the truck and when I FEEL like it, I wear a dress, make up and go out. I'm worthy of my life and am not going to let others define how I should live it.

Anyway, if that advice helps you avoid years and decades of sadness and pain then great. You are a worthy person! If you want to make changes, do it because you want to. Live life to the fullest, no matter what!
Happy Health
Fit Tomboy

Let Her Play

http://www.myfoxatlanta.com/story/22658038/girl-football-player-says-school-wont-let-her-play
Okay...I can't say it time enough that sexism really gets me upset & the fact it is condoned over and over.....Granted I am lucky to live in America, considering in other parts of the world, women have less rights by far. However, this is the land of opportunity and many things are changing, but by far, if a girl or woman wants to play a sport, especially a male dominated sport, whoa! We have a problem.
A 12 year old girl played on her school's football team last year, but for some reason she is not being allowed to play this year. She has the support of her teammates, but her Christian private school now is kicking her off the team, citing the boys will have "unpure thoughts." Give me a break! If so, wouldn't the boys have faith in God and the morals to not have those thoughts? And I'd say its a definite disadvantage if your team has their head not in the game. Uh during gametime the focus is FOOTBALL!
The school is ridiculous, and frankly just another reason why I'm not very religious, although I'm very spiritual. I have found that most religions do not speak highly of women, and if you are a single woman you are alienated since you do not have a family. I have faith in God, and live the Golden Rule, but this deeply saddens me and I don't think God or Jesus would care if she goes out in uniform and plays football!
If someone was to say, she can't play because she is (insert race) then we'd have a major uproar. However, sexism is condoned and it is going to be a tough fight. However, her mother has started a facebook page.
https://www.facebook.com/LetHerPlay
Please support Maddy and her fight to get what any kid should be able to do. Have the opportunity to play. She shouldn't have to go to another school, but be able to play on the team that she played on LAST YEAR! (start this clip at 1:15 )

I just wish her coach and teammates would tell the school they were going to forfeit the season or do some other drastic thing in support of her. Just like in Rudy...the team put their jerseys on the table and said he should play....well MADDY needs to play!
I was discriminated as a girl, and have deal with issues over the years. Recently, I almost threw a left hook in the jaw of a substitute kindergarten teacher for her sexist comment to a kindergartener. (I walked away, but I swear smoke was coming from my ears!)
The sub was letting the kindergarteners in the room and she said, "I need a muscle man to hold the door." (ok that wasn't what bothered me, I'm not a feminist) Then a little girl said, "I'll hold the door for you." Her reply, "Oh no, you can't, you are a girl!" What the hell!? It took all my strength to not knock her down and say, "That's how a girl hits." but I didn't want to lose my job or terrify the lil' kids, granted I think the lil' girl would have enjoyed seeing power of a woman. Now this sexist comment will have an effect on this child and her class. It shows the boys that women are the weaker sex, and for the lil' girl it tells her she is weak and not good enough. If that teacher would have said, "You can't because you are (race)." She would have been fired.
I should have said something, and I would have if it was a regular teacher, and I did tell my boss. I'm just devastated to hear that crap. I have to correct a lot of female teachers and some men all the time. Someone will ask for two strong boys....and I say..."uh two strong students?" I do what I can, but more of us need to speak up.
Now I'm definitely not much of a feminist. If a female police officer or firefighter can't lift 200 lbs. then they probably should be doing the job. Granted I know quite a few women that can lift over 300 lbs. Click the link below....Kristen Clever is 5 foot 2, 131 pounds and she can deadlift 360 lbs!
http://games.crossfit.com/athlete/36734
Anyway, please support Maddy and like her facebook page. She deserves to play!!
Ladies, never let anyone tell you, you can't do something.....Yes you will have to work hard to get what you want, but never give up the fight!!!
“Courage, sacrifice, determination, commitment, toughness,heart, talent, guts. That's what little girls are made of; the heck with sugar and spice.” 
― Bethany Hamilton

Fit

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2315288/Female-sports-blogger-called-NBA-cheerleader-chunky-perform-comes-hateful-attack.html

 You can read the full article above, but basically a blogger criticized this cheerleader for her looks, and called her "too chunky" to be a cheerleader. And the blogger was a woman!! I am very disturbed that woman are still being judged more on their looks than their personality and character.

 Ladies, don't let others define you by your looks, but be judged on your character. I have received a lot of criticism for my looks over the years. First, I was teased as a child when at the time, I probably was 10 lbs. overweight. I was judged as not being girly enough because I enjoyed sports and doing atypical activities. As a teenager, I was sexually harassed, but back then that term didn't exist. I grew a backbone and told the guys off, but at the same time I let it bother me. I also received teasing for my weight and at that time I was 25 lbs. overweight. "Double Double chin chin and wide load" were a few of the names they called me. Yes you could call it bullying to a degree, but you know what? I don't blame anyone but myself. I could have been assertive and told the guys to buzz off. I let others get to me, and define who I was. I was an intelligent, athletic kid, but let others define me and it affected choices I made which who knows? Maybe I could have done better than today, but again I don't blame anyone but myself.
People will always make criticisms, opinions, judgments, and you can't control that. You can only control how you react to it. And the worst criticisms and judgments are the ones you make to yourself. If you believe you are beautiful or ugly based on your appearance, that is your problem. There are some things you can change, some that you cannot, but it is your choice as to how much value you put on appearance.
I've never been vain, and even with all the people criticizing my looks, as I got older, I have decided that I don't care what people say. I went through years of pain and negativity that I could have avoided if I thought that in the first place.
 I dress up when I want to, I put on makeup when I feel like it. I don't do it because people tell me too. You don't know how many times I've heard, "If you dress up and be more girly, and flaunt it, you'll find a man." Well frankly, why would I want those kinds of men, that are more attracted to my outer appearance than who I am inside?
I am flabby but fit. I have extra skin from my weight loss journey, and yes, I could have surgery, but my extra skin doesn't define who I am. I care more about being defined by my athleticism, my heart, and how I treat others and my overall character, not by my appearance. Yes I fall into social norms and I dress up for a wedding or special event, but in general I know I can be beautiful in shorts and a t-shirt or in a gown, because my beauty comes from within.
You can talk down to yourself for your appearance or embrace who you are right now. For me, my weight loss journey was to avoid heartache of Type II diabetes, high blood pressure and a poor quality of life, NOT looks. I consider outer appearance as a bi-product to health and fitness.
For that cheerleader being criticized, I hope she doesn't let her opinion of herself be affected by that horrible excuse of a woman that judged her looks.
Folks, be sure to treat yourself with respect. When I look in the mirror, I am happy with myself. I still have health and fitness goals, but I am more concerned with improvement of strength and overall health, not what I look like. If people want to judge me and my training skills on my looks, then so be it. I'm certainly not going to have surgery for skin, to get a leg up in the training business. I want to help clients be fit and healthy individuals that feel good about themselves no matter what they look like. If people expect me to train them to a "perfect" looking body, they need to take their business elsewhere. I will guide and assist people towards a better life. And today, no matter what weight, size, health and fitness level, you ARE beautiful! Yes, we can make lifestyle changes, but treating yourself well and liking yourself has nothing to do with outer appearance. Remember, there are a lot of physically beautiful women that are miserable inside. I rather be flabby, fit, healthy and happy, then miserable and skinny!
I have to say, I'd be happy to show that blogger my flabby, fit skills in the boxing ring! But then again, that woman seems to be a self-centered, insecure person, who needs to learn what's truly important in life. And ladies, health and fitness is by far more important than looks!!

Barbie Has Never Represented Me

I think at a young age, I always knew I wasn't a part of the "girl" crowd. I hung out with the guys, mostly because I was active, enjoyed sports, and they weren't shallow or drama queens. Yes, I played with Barbies, but I tended to take mine outside, and throw her in a Tonka truck and have her go on some adventure! I also floated her on a shoe box in a creek after a storm, and lost my shoe in the process. Considering I was 8, I should be lucky I lost my shoe and I didn't get washed away!
Lately, they have been talking about the disproportions of the Barbie doll and the unrealistic body image it gives girls as well as boys. (Some boys think all girls should look like Barbie)
As a kid, I never really thought about Barbie as a role model. Maybe since I hung out with the boys, I missed girls talking how they wanted to look like Barbie. Maybe I just thought it wasn't me to begin with.
 Anyway,  I still am angry they haven't made an "off road" Barbie that gets all dirty and has her own quad to ride around. Ladies, you can be whomever you want to be and also by the way, you can be beautiful, no matter what body type you have, or what career you enjoy, or what sports you play.
You CAN be who you want to be, and still be happy. Pleasing others isn't going to get you far in terms of how you feel about yourself. I wear make up when I feel like it, and dress up when I care to, not because it is expected, because I am a woman. Be who you want to be!
Now back to unrealistic things. Ladies, if you think that your life is going to be like a Disney princess movie, then you will lead an unhappy life, unless you favorite is Mulan. Spoiler Alert: In Mulan, she fights for her dad, kicks butt, and gets the handsome guy in the end, all while she is mostly dressed like a guy during the story! The other Disney movies have a prince rescuing the girl and everything is perfect. Sometimes you need to rescue yourself you know! My whole point to this blog is that you need to realize that no one is going to rescue you but you and no one is going to make you beautiful but you. Beauty comes from within, and don't be jaded by the unrealistic so called role models, or airbrushed images. Be comfortable with your own skin. I take pride that I'm not vain and don't stress about flaws on my body. It took years to get to that point, and I sure wish someone was telling me when I was younger to not buy into society's image which is NOT reality. I can't help but laugh and also pity when women get all bent out of shape when they have a wrinkle or a zit. It's part of life, and I'm not one that will spend hundreds if not thousands on beauty products! Why not start a trend and embrace the flaws? Why not make those a fashion statement? Live to your own standards, not what others think. If more young ladies and women would speak up that those images are NOT who we are, then maybe those magazines wouldn't exist. If you look at women from the past, they had curves and were not airbrushed!
So ladies, just don't buy in to the unrealistic things in the world. I think I'll go listen to the Mulan soundtrack, "Be True to Your Heart"!