Inner Strength

Where do you find encouragement? Do you give it as well? Do you have the inner strength to reach your goal, but also the strength to share your horror stories of the journey? I tend to read biographies and other types of non-fiction to hear from real people that have maybe been through a perilous journey and lived to tell the tale. It is easy to think that famous people or people who have done amazing things just got there somehow, but its the back story that is the most fascinating. What did it take for them to reach their dreams? What things did they have to overcome? Also my fears and obstacles can seem small compared to what they endured, and if they can overcome something that most people might quit on, then I sure as heck can overcome the obstacles in front my goals.

It is easy to have our fear of the unknown limit us from reaching success. This morning, I found a paper calendar book from 26 years ago, and I found a date and it said, "Did you reach your goal?" I hadn't back then, and it was a goal I had when I was 13 years old! That was 7 years before writing in that calendar. At first, I was sad seeing that down on paper a goal. My first thoughts were, "I wasted so many years. I was so stupid for taking so long. Why didn't I make better choices to reach that goal sooner?" Then I stepped back a moment, and realized, "I did make the goal, and kept at it even if it took me a few decades!" Some people want to change, but never do. I am proud to say, "I did it!" 

After I reached my goal, it was extremely hard to deal with the new me, especially others for whatever reason, couldn't deal with it. I have to say, most were not kind and criticized me more for my looks and strength than when I was obese. A lot of my tattoos were dealing with the pain of the criticism, and my thought was, turn pain into art, and others would have something to look at when they judge me. Turns out, I grew up a bit and realized that the only person who should judge you is you, no one else. 

There will always be critics that will judge you, berate you or discourage you. In the long run, you may hear their comments, but you don't allow their negativity to enter your heart. I am a confident, vibrant, energetic, weird, single woman, with over 20 tattoos! I have my flaws, physical, mental, and otherwise. You may like me, you may not, but I don't care. The important thing is I like me, I still want to improve me, but it is on my terms. 

I'm not saying life has to be some free for all, and I still conform to rules and so on, but my mind is free and open to world and although I might not be for everybody, that is okay, and I do my best to make a difference in the world.

I tend not to fit in to any category and I love it that way! Fitting in is boring in my book. I have the freedom to my life the way I want to live it. Often, we believe fitting in will make us comfortable and happy, when in reality we are miserable because we are too afraid to be ourselves, because we don't want to lose that social group, or have people look at us differently.

Even though I'm all about growth, I accept who I am, flaws and all. Great friends will accept all of your flaws, and if you can find a significant other that accepts all of the good, bad, and ugly that you are, there is the gem in a good relationship. Being something you're not might feel good for a bit, since you think you're popular, or you got the good looking guy next to you, but in the long run, it falls apart. Those so called friends stab you in the back because you like classical music and they don't or that so called good looking guy, has nothing good about him and ruins your life. In the end, you are miserable, and might feel pressured to do things you don't want to do, so be happy with you and what you like, and you will eventually find people that accept you the way you are, flaws and all.

I get people that are shocked that I'm not married, but since I am a unique person, I want to be with the right person that accepts me for all the craziness that I am! I am confident in who I am, still have tons of fun in my life, so I don't need to rush into anything! Yes, do I get gasps from women when I say I'm unmarried, no kids, and single and do things alone. Oh yes! And guess what? I usually just ignore their comment, but sometimes I say, I work with kids, so I have kids, or am I supposed to put my life in a holding pattern, waiting for a guy? I'm going to live and have adventure no matter what! You shouldn't have to defend reasons why you do things in your life. Now, sometimes your choices aren't the best, and believe me there are things I could have done better, but people criticizing you for being single, alone, and without kids isn't really their business.

Again, the only person that defines you is you. If you are feeling pressured, or miserable to be with a crowd or with a certain guy, and you are losing who you truly are, it probably isn't right for you. In fact, there have been a couple times I have been on dates, and realized I was more lonely with the guy than without. It made it simple for me to decide to not go out again with that guy, but sometimes, people feel obligated for whatever reason to keep dating or keep with the crowd of people, because of pressure.

Having the inner strength to recognize, "This isn't working, I feel worse than before, I feel pressure", and move on is empowering. Now it might not feel freeing at the moment, but once you move on from a person or situation it isn't so hard the next time, and you recover. I have had to drop friends, end relationships, and it was the right decision, even if I was crying about it at the time. I have had friends drop me and been dumped, and you move forward. You can reflect on the situation, learn from it, and get stronger.

Developing that inner strength isn't easy, but reflect on your choices and move forward!

In Happy Health

Fit Tomboy

Get Out of Your Comfort Zone

We all like to live within our comfort zone, it's human nature. However, we let our fears of the unknown hold us back. Fear of failure comes to mind as a huge reason to stay in our comfort zone. I have seen some people whom have never failed, go ballistic and lose it the first time they failed. Imagine an A student who always got straight A's and never experienced any type of failure. They get to high school and WHAM! They get their first failing test! They hide the grade from their parents in fear that they won't understand, and continue to struggle since they never experienced this before. They don't seek help as everyone expects them to always get straight A's. Soon more failing test grades happen, and their overall grade falls. Desperate, they might do something unthinkable like cheat, but hopefully they realize that failure is not a permanent place. It is their choice to decide to stay in the perils of their situation, or move forward and work out of their comfort zone and move towards success.
I made mistakes when I was a teen, as I was a perfectionist, and it took til' high school for me to be pushed out of my comfort zone. I was taking honors classes, and extra class one hour before school, had a job at McDonald's and was sports, jazz band, symphonic, and marching band that traveled every weekend. I started to struggle and I kept doing what I always did, instead of making adjustments to succeed. I didn't fail a class, but my grades did slip way below my potential, because I refused to adjust. If you keep doing the same thing, expecting different results, you are fooling yourself. I sure did!
We all think we can do it all, and things will happen when we work hard, but sometimes you need to work smarter, not harder! So many teachers just say, "Work hard." I believe its more like, work on something, evaluate if it's working, then adjust to keep focused on your goal.
It's easy to make a goal and think if you stay on the right track, success will be waiting, but again, it's a series of adjustments. See the figure below.

You will stray away from your goal, then have to pull back and make adjustments. You might be pulled in the other direction, but again, you pull yourself back toward the goal. Success may take a series of minor failures, but you can do it! It takes grit, gumption, persistence, to tell yourself don't give up, it's okay to fail, and move forward.
Often with my former 6th graders, I would start of the school year, saying YOU WILL FAIL! The sheer horror on the faces of the honor students was by far bigger than the kids that slipped up on occasion. Some kids that had experienced it before, and had moved on, had a new confidence on their face as they realized, "Yeah, it happens, but it's not permanent." It took awhile to get the class to understand that it isn't a life sentence, but failure is another opportunity to learn more intelligently.
If you like science, any experiment usually has some type of failure the first time, or at least a series of tests happen to avoid the overall experiment failing.
Now back to the comfort zone. It may take baby steps to push yourself, but even with 2 steps forward, and one step back, you are still making progress. If you fall five times and get up six, you are still up!
Is it so bad to take a risk? Most students fail to ask questions because they are too embarrassed to say a wrong answer. But if you don't take the risk, you never know! Yes, it can be embarrassing to ask a question, but it's all in perspective. Sometimes I will be in a meeting and I'm not listening or I get sidetracked for some reason. I miss something and I'm lost. It takes a lot of courage, in front of the entire staff and your boss to say, "I'm sorry, but can you repeat, because I got distracted." Now that is better than assuming I know what is going on, and attempt to do it on my own without knowing, and hope I get it right. But to know I get it right, sometimes you have to just take a risk and put yourself out there. No one enjoys putting yourself in a situation that can result in embarrassment but in the long run it is worth it.
I have learned that sometimes asking questions or investigating can lead to great things! So many times I have asked complete strangers a question, and it lead to a friendship or more! My first job outside of high school, was me asking the owner, "I wonder what it is like to work here?" I ended up getting to know dozens of friends in college, but asking a girl to help me out and play on my softball team because I was short a player! We started a conversation after, and I met tons of new people that I still hang out with today! Now I'm not saying just hang out and talk to strangers of course, but sometimes putting yourself out there can benefit you. Even with guys! For some reason shy guys are attracted to me, but they are just too shy to speak up. I ask them out! The fear of rejection, can make it challenging, but you just let it roll like water off a duck's back.
Once while living in Los Angeles, I noticed a TV actor working out at my gym. I decided, "Hey, why not ask him out? What is the worst that could happen? He could be rude, mean, or it might be fun to see how he reacts." So I play it off like I don't know who he is, I smile, say hi. He smiles back and I ask him if he would like to go out for coffee after the gym. He holds up his left hand and shows me his wedding ring! Yikes!! I laugh embarrassingly but he smiles and says, "No big deal, you didn't know." Instead of walking off in horror, I was like, "Cool. I always have that story and know he's a nice person even if he's taken!"
The more you take risks, and pull away from your comfort zone, your confidence increases and you don't take failure so seriously! Again, I'm not saying take a risk and jump out of an airplane without a parachute, but sane risks can benefit in the long run!
Happy Health!